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Tuesday, August 10, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Haven't posted in quite a while. Been burying my head in some real tall grass for the past few weeks, thats how sad i was. Doubtless, no one would have noticed, but i'd still like to wallow in self pity for a bit.
Just came back off helping protect a bunch of Leopard tanks last night. Okay, not really protect the tanks. Twas more like protect innocent and unsuspecting Lamborrghinis from them. If they really needed to be protected from civvy cars they wouldn't be worth a few million a pop would they? In any case, I was supposed to close roads off as the NDP mobile column passed. So there we had one times huge buffalo wearing a ludicrous (whoops, meant luminous) yellow vest in the middle of a road attempting to stop suicidal drivers from trying to slow the advance of metal beasts thrice the height of their own vehicle. Which turned out to be a really smart idea, since the luminous marshaller vest has the same effect on cars as red cloth has on bull. Thank god for endowing me with the grace of a matador, or i wouldn't be here. (But certainly he could have thought to endow me with the sword of one too, couldn't he? It might have come in more handy)
Speaking of luminous vests, I was watching the Community Shield between Man U and Chelsea when i realised both keepers sported glaringly lum yellow jerseys. Whatever happened to the unostentatious colours of yesterseason? I perfectly understand the need to alert Didier Drogba to your presence lest he decides to bulldoze you, but surely there are more subtle ways than this. On a side note, I also couldn't help but Mezut Ozil looks really like an alien (No he wasn't playing that day; I was just reading the latest transfer gossip). I suspect this might explain why he would prefer to go Barcelona, given that they've been playing like they're from his home planet the past couple of seasons.
Finally, theres this something against towards me referring to myself in third person that people have. I really don't understand it, seriously. In fact, I find it an elegant solution to the paradox the need for self promotion and the aversion i have of blowing my own trumpet. Case-in-point; Don't you find the statement "I think Joshua is really smart" sounds much more objective and credible than "I think I'm really smart"? The benefits are immediately obvious; instead of coming off as a self-obssessed buffoon, you now appear to be a magnanimous and smart person. Furthermore, it adds abit of Yoda-esque mystique to yourself. Ingenious, don't you think?
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Sunday, July 25, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Sorry for the lack of action here in the past month. I've been fixated on action in south africa. I mean, i deserve to get to watch too. It's called the World Cup, not the Human's Cup for God's sake. (And I MIST visit South Afria one day. What a place. The grass looks delicious).
Yea and so Spain won in the end. And with a style of hypnotic passing football too. In fact, they were so intent on keeping the ball they even seemed reluctant to score because that would mean giving their opponents the ball. Ah well, I imagine playing them would be like playing Whack-A-Mole. The Dutch, though, apparently got too carried away with the Whack part and forgot about the ball. You can't blame them though, it's a really addictive game.
But La Furia Roja still won out in the end. At the rate they're going it'll take a herd of rampaging buffalo to beat 'em. (Aptly they wear red. ;) ) Now where did I leave those soccer boots?
And if you've been wondering why my writing sounds different, it's because I'm typing through dear yang hc. Meow and Moo sound a little different of course. Still, many thanks to him, though.
So until next time! Mooiaow.
=== 我是分隔線 ===
Words of hc:
cough. i know i'm a clerk but that doesn't mean you've to abuse me you know. =.=
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Monday, June 14, 2010
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Hi peeps,
This week marks the end of my SCS foundation term. Which really flew by pretty fast. Except our 28k graduation march, which was a total bitch. The first few legs were still pretty ok, except my OC was walking us at relativistic speeds, which would explain why the distance seemed much longer than described (Spacetime dilation by Lorentz transformations, I'm guessing. My physics ain't that great with like 20kgs of load on me)
At the 12k mark, my back was still pretty polite in asking me for a break. By 16k it was practically screaming its lungs out at me. When we hit 24k the vuvuzelas were out in full force, which isnt a really nice feeling.
Anyway, i've been posted to Armor vocations. Dun really know what they're gonna do to me there. My guess is making me wear some armor and letting me loose at the enemy. And maybe a couple bazookas just for the effect. So it'll probably look something like this:
Muahahaha. Fear me. Mooooooooooo
And yea, the world cup is in full swing now. Was watching it over at ruiyang's house on sat, which is when i saw poor rob green's blooper. Its quite sad actually. Keepers are expected to never make a msitake in their careers, which is really unfair. I mean strikers are not villified for missing golden opportunities are they? Do we see headlines of keepers making one of those physics-defying saves the way we do for strikers who scrappily bundle the ball home from six yards with their head? The latter would get headlines for lethal finishing; the former? lucky enough to get a line in the article saying "did well to keep out the effort". No wonder England has a dearth of good keepers, if thats the appreciation they're given.
Not trying to defend dear Green of course, though. If he's paid like 10000000x more than a poor SCT (Spec Cadet Trainee) like me, he deserves all that whack. I'd gladly take it for his pay :D
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Saturday, June 5, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Its been a rough week for a poor buffalo. I seem to have roughed up some god up there, ostensibly because I didnt blog last week. So i'm sorry, i'll start blogging again -please stop punishing me T(..)T.
Well some might be wondering what happened to make me so distraught. Well lets just start with Tuesday. I was due for an X-ray at CMPB; nothing much, just the result of a overly-excitable MO. Not that i was gonna complain -here was a chance to book out from camp. Anyways, when coming back through the gate, the guard asked for my phone , which is when i realised i lost my phone. Hence, am currently stuck with an LG phone ( LG seems to stand for lugi best, which is a apt description)
Plus my 2ic made me shove a rock up my arse. I'm guessing he was trying to teach me some life lessons, but what it was exactly eludes me ( its kinda hard to ponder philosophy with a rock in your ass). Heres what happened, the fates arranged for me to sit beside him alone in the dark for like a few hours. Naturally, he started trying to talk to me, asking pretty normal questions like ermm, where do you see yourself in three months time and the like. Plus he was trying to size me up. I get the idea he thought of me as a well-protected, bookwormish nerd who preferred sitting in the ivory towers of academia than getting down and dirty. Amongst other things. Not exactly how i would describe a buffalo, but i ain't butting back someone who can monkey me around.
Anyway, his questions got weirder and weirder, till he was asking me, if you have shit at the tip of your arsehole, what would you do? I couldn't give hima satisfactory answer (its kinda tough when you're banned from going into the forest to shit, shitting in your pants, controlling your shit and pretty much every other plausible course of action coz he has like 101 reasons why you can't do them). So apparently dissatisfied, he decided to make me simulate the scenario!!!!! Which is where the rock in the ass came in. In front of 2 other newly arrived cadets, he asked me to put it in. Rightly I was stunned, which is kinda like normal i guess. But he insisted to me "Are you embarassed? Then you're not ready to be a leader," and I was like yeah, how about you shove it up your arse and I'll see how ready you are to be a leader.
Oh yea and i'm now a healthy 66 kilos. Thanks to a combination of a) weeks of self starvation b) delicous combat rations. Yum. Grass never tasted so good. c) Tough outfield exercises. Especially those with rocks in my ass d) Sheer buffalo willpower. Strangely though, I've only increased my pull up count by one, which makes me worry if i've lost muscle instead of fat.
Today my bro was telling me about the new Adizero boots? He was like, have you seen it? Esp the purple and lime green one. Chocolate (My sisters soft toy dog, but its effectively ours since we steal him like every week and she never notices till a month later) would approve. Wuff. And i'm like yea, he probably would, since he's color blind. Ok ay he didnt really saya ll that, but you get the idea. I'm not really into weird colours. But whatever, everyone hasd his own taste.
And sony erricsson's Vivaz looks damn COOL. Its liek the sleekest, meanest pho ne i've seen in decades (well, actually decade). Pity i can't have it, or i'd be shooting pasir laba camp in High Definition; not exactly conducive to national security. But just an idea for people who're considering getting me a bday gift ;P
So concludes my first post in two weeks. Hopefully good enough to ward off bad luck for another week.
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Saturday, May 22, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Currently waiting for UCL final to happen, so I've decided to write a post. Its been a shag week, so sorry for not posting last week, I was prepping myself with extra sleep ;D.
Though can't really think of much to write right now. It doesn't really help that its 1.30 in the morning, about the same time I went to sleep on thursday night. Maybe i shall tell you more about the SCS dog.
Plenty of myth surrounds him. Some call him Xiao Huang, a reference to his once golden fur, now ragged and torn. Others like me simply call him the SCS dog, a reference to a creature that has haunted these grounds since time immemorial. Some even claim he can be seen the photos back to the 1st BSLC and every batch up to my batch (55th). Day by day, he wanders the ground, having lost track of his purpose and is unable to escape from the prison he calls home now.
Nah just kidding he isn't all that mysterious and hi-fi. Just a regular dog that tends to appear near my company. And he's quite cute, which helps when you try asking food from trainees who've just come out from the jungle half dead or warrants who could shout you to deaf with vulgarities. Smart dog i guess. And he's very fit. When we were runnign our morning 3k run he appeared out of nowhere and started running withus, then cantered off near the end. Maybe it helps that he runs on four legs instead of two. I should try that somtime. Hmm
Anyway he apparently hasn't seen another dog in years. Coz one fine day he came up to my floor and tried to follow me to the toilet. When he walked past the mirror he glanced in and leapt back. Thought he was looking at another dog me thinks. So its either he hasn't seen another dog or he's extremely territorial, but since he's such a nice dog I'll plump for the latter.
Well, I've decided to give up waiting for the final. Just realised its at 2.45 not 2.15. Can't imagine how people can stand waking up at 2.45 in the morning to just to play soccer. Yawnz nitez
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Sunday, May 9, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Sorry for not blogging last week. It was a hectic weekend. I found a copy of the Lost Symbol ( or in typical Dan Brown suspense, you could say it found me) and was immediately drawn to it like a buffalo to a delicous beef burger. And you'll be surprised to know, the Lost Symbol features TRACK SYMBOLS! So much for those who say scouting is useless; if it can help us solve ancient mysteries and avert a national security threat, what couldn't it do?
Oh yeah and saw Avatar after book out yesterday. We were so supposed to see Ip Man 2 with OCT Liew but he was late to book out due to his wing's useless Wing Sergeant Major. Apparently his WSM was too short and no one could see him hence nothing could get done on time, hence the late book out. So me gx cs and ranger were wandering around Jurong Point. Then we saw Avatar playing outside some DVD shop. Now if you've seen it its a real weird movie (I watched it three times in the cinema. Yes i know, real smart. You dont have to rub it in. I could practically recite the lines by the third time. Which really pissed off the guy next to me then. Well, at least he served as good entertainment :D). Ányway, where else do you get a movie full of humans who watch a bunch of humans get whipped by some big blue aliens and -guess what?- cheer the aliens on? I mean, no racism intended here but if this was in the time of H.G. Wells he'd be horrified.
Then we went off to watch Ip Man. Its quite a nice movie, especially because you get to see anyone actually hit Ip Man for the first time, and get him pretty seriously injured too. Shall not spoil the movie here lest the Chinese producer sends some Wing chun experts after me, so this is as far as i go. Nitez to everyone and have a good day
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Sunday, April 25, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Seems traffic here's been down lately. I've been wondering if its because the all-powerful ash cloud from the Iceland volcano thats obscuring coputer screens worldwide so people cant surf the net. But after extensive research into the topic, I've concluded that the answer isn't so intuitive. So after much more work delving into the problem, I've found the problem; apparently, the font size of my posts are too small, making it hard for people to read. Therefore, I've decided to increase the font size.
Now, as I've explained above, such an action is not the result of the author trynig to slack of and male his posts seem longer, but really a decision made after extensive large-scale double-blind tests and heated top-level debate. So, don't think too much into it ;-).
Anyway, I've received a scholarship and place to study at SUTD.Anyway, someoine came to personally deliver the letter of offer, which was sealed in a nice frame already. Such nice people. I was going to go around boasting about it, when J Mei (short for joshua mei, more on this subject later). promptly informed me he had an offer from DSTA, deflating my ego with a pitiful "pop":C.
Whcih reminds me. I must remember not to give my child a name as common as Joshua. ITs really irritating when people around you have the same name too. It tends to go something like this; Random idiot: Eh Joshua!! Me: *Turns around with his politest smile* Yes? Random idiot: *Proceeds to ignore me completely and chat with his intended target/ Swears at me with a combination of words so horrifying it would initiate the autodestruct sequence on your monitor* Me: *In his frendliest tone possible under such circumstances* Oh sorry, have as nice day! (well, thats roughly the gist of my reply anyway Yep, so thats all for today. Gotta go book in to SCS (Sai-kung Cadets School)! Cya next week
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Sunday, April 18, 2010
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Hi people,
I know its become something of a custom for this blog to have funny, lighthearted and humorous posts week in, week out. Sadly, however, the reality of this harsh world is such; no human being can be happy and cheery all the time.
Thankfully, I'm a buffalo, so :D.
Anyway, typically blog posts are about the author's life. Unfortunately, army life is top secret and not blogabble, which is why I've stooped to corny buffalo jokes to fill up column inches. Apparently, there're people in the Army whose job is to screen people's blogs to look for suspicous stuff. Which means I'm entertaining some slacker clerk in an air-con office in intel, evidently.
But anyway, I've been on block leave after graduating from BMT, apparently so they can decide where my talents would be best wasted. So I've had a week to try and get some content for you guys. And its been 'pretty fruitful! So here goes;
Friday: Too exhuasted, sleep at home.
Saturday: Forgot it was a new day, thought I was still too exhausted. Sleep.
Sunday: Oh my goodness! what a great day for sleeping!
Nah just kidding. I didn't sleep all week (not for a significant portion at least). Here are the highlights of my week:
Wednesday: Went for my SUTD interview. In case you don't know, SUTD (Singapore University of Technology and design) is the new local uni coming up in 2012. Quite a nice place imo. Anyway, the first thing the interviewer told me when i went there was "Hi, joshua. I'm the guy who called you to arrange for the interview"-at which point i was like "OMG and the person who called me to arrange the interview dates wasn't some clerk but the Senior Developer of Curriculum? Whoops, did i forget to smile and say hi?".
Friday: Washed the toilets. I was talking to my mum over breakfast and she went "Okay arh joshua this week i let you rest, but next week you have to wash the toilets k. See i'm such a nice mother right?" And i was "-.- mum i'm going into camp next week." Then she went like"OMG really?! The brushes and pails are at the back."
Yep, so much for a fruitful week. And before i end off, I've changed the cbox under vings advice, coz my old cbox was under chunky's account and i didnt have access to delete weird tags from minxiaoxing and whatever rubbish ( I mean wth? People have nothing better to do than go around tagging people's blogs wif weird replies?) So please piss off, weirdos k? Make a buffalo see red and you'll be sorry.
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Sunday, April 4, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Some people have been asking why am i known as a buffalo. More accurately, its a Bubalus bubalis (some people like to call it water buffalo, I prefer to sound smarter ;D). But anways, there's a tale of how i became to be known as such an animal (AND NO, IT IS NOT BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE ONE. whoever has the balls to say that shall be sorry.  )
Anyway, back to the story. It all happened a long time ago (historians, using a combination of carbon dating and electron microscopy, date it back to about 2008). We were having our Ventures initiation hike. Now ventures initiation is a tough event, as any Venture past or present will tell you. The horrors you go through turns you crazy. (And in case you were wondering, BENJAMIN NG CHERN WEI was sick that day, which is how he maintained his sanity)
So well, after a tough hike, Mr Eugene Lee, our teacher I/C at that time came to us with an evil smile on his face, "Hehehe boys, now take out your water bottles." I swear we all would have run away before he got the the 3rd he, if we hadn't already trekked to the North Pole and back (In any case, he had a van, so there wasn't any point anyway). So, we took our water tanks out of the 3-ton deadweight on our backs and proceeded to drink up.
Some joker couldn't finish his water. In fact, he had something like 30 gallons left. (I believe it was JoviFong. Everything bad should be somehow be traceable back to him). And all of us were chock full with our own water. The situation seemed bleak at that time (For illustration purposes, try to imagine the time LOTR when Rohan was broken and orcs were swarming into the throne room). Then to get a picture of what happened next, imagine the part where Gandalf appears on the horizon withthe sun rising behind him. Yep. Now replace Gandalf with a buffalo.
No, a buffalo did not walk out of the woods and steal our water ^-(..)-^ . I drank it all up in one gulp. It still amazes me how i found the stomach to. But anyway, I did and from then on they decided to give me the honorary title of Bubalus bubalis (Maybe it doesn't sound that honourable, but quit laugihng will ya?) And since then, I've become buffalo.
And so thats the legend of how i came to be a buffalo. Maybe, like every other myth, it was abit twisted and exaggerated after being passed by mouth through countless generation (what? i count as one generation k?). But thats the way the myth is. If ya dun likit, go write one yeself. Hmph
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Monday, March 22, 2010
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Hi peeps,
Long time no see. Its been a busy time here the past couple'o weeks, but now that thats over I pretty free.
Anyway, Tekong food sucks. I mean, its organic and fresh, but its still tough and chewy (And anyway organic and fresh food can be found anywhere so thats not much of a draw nowadays). Back in Singapore its much more juicy. Maybe its the climate here. Its way hotter than mainland, so i guess every living thing on this alternate world is affected to some degree.
Furthermore, it lacks variety. I duno if they have a problem with giving variety, but its allthe same kindof food everyday. Back in Singapore i could find at least 7 different kinds just downstairs of my home (ok I'm exaggerating, maybe just five), and here in all God-knows-how-many acres of BMTC theres only one.
I swear, if it doesn't get better soon I'm gonna start going to the cookhouse instead of eating out of the grass patch in front of my bunk
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